Urban Memorials

If you drive or walk up 5th street on the way to our house, there are a number of urban memorials. In fact, if I did not understand the way South Philly streets worked I would be very nervous about the area we live in. Safety differs so drastically from street to street. I've seen side streets in "wealthy" and "safe" areas that are very dangerous, and streets like the one I live on, a "safer" street in a generally more dangerous area.

But anyway back to the memorials. If you come up 5th street, there is a good stack of stuffed animals in an empty lot. Ironically there is a recreational vehicle in that lot as well. I've never seen it move and I've never seen anyone come out of it. If you continue up the block a bit. You'll see a picture of a girl on a telephone pole, smiling. She looks like she is in middle school. Its probably more elaborate than most memorials, and I've been told about her story. She was innocent, a bystander. Most of the deaths have some sort of reason behind it. The people were involved in some sort illegal activity and paid for it with their life. But there are the cases like recently in Chester, a city south of Philadelphia, where a two year old was killed by a stray bullet in the head while he was playing inside. Or a couple years ago an immigrant father was killed coming out in the morning around the corner some where on 5th street.

That girl's picture/portrait is starting to flake off. It won't last much longer.

There are also countless temporary or mobile memorials. You will see cars that have written the name and dates and RIP on the back windshield for a untimely death in the hood. Or perhaps a tee shirt with their picture, dates and RIP on it.

Wax on the Pavement

Yesterday I took a group of high school and college students on a cheese-steak expedition through South Philly. After I had explained how quickly the neighborhoods change from safe to dangerous, we passed by a large park. I told them how safe the park was generally speaking. Though now as I remember it, I have heard of early morning assaults and robberies in the park.

As we passed on the south side we came to a corner where in the early spring there had been a group of middle school kids hanging around, weeping, playing music, and holding candles. It was one of these urban memorials, of which there are far too many just south of where I live. I debated in my mind, do I expose these students to the full reality of the city, or do I just let it pass. I normally, even if it freaks them out, tell outsiders about the full reality of the city.

So just as we stood on the spot I looked down and saw the candle wax baking in the 97 degree sun. It had melted. I explained that probably a middle school or high school kid, younger then any of them had been killed on the spot. I didn't really prepare them, just told them while they walked over the spot.

One dead, one living and one living dead

I met a guy recently who had a powerful testimony.

He told me that God had rescued him out of a destructive lifestyle. He said that he was into drugs and all sorts of illegal activity. He had two friends. Once they were arguing over money and one friend pulled a gun out and shot the other friend and killed him. He told me its at that point he cried out to God and God responded and helped turn his life around. He keeps in contact with his friend who murdered the other guy and now is doing life in prison. He said without God he would have not known where he might have ended up.

Coming full circle, life out of death

There was an older lady that I and another pastor visited recently. I was amazed to watch her come to faith during our conversation with her. Her mother has been dedicated to praying for her for years. She has drowned year after year in drink. She spent parts of her life on the street. But yesterday, in a beaten down North Philly neighborhood, she declared Jesus was her Savior.

I first met her at a few church events. But I barely knew her. The first deeper interaction with her came when I heard she was in the hospital and was expected to die maybe about 6 months ago. Her organs were failing, and I was told that at any moment she could die. I went to the hospital not knowing what I'd find. Would she still be alive? I had heard she was unresponsive, so I expected that if she was still alive, at most I'd be able to hold her hand and pray for her, and read some scripture to her as she lay there. But when I got there she was awake and sitting up and talking. It was amazing. Our conversation consisted of us talking about how God had done this for her and it was a remarkable recovery.

I hadn't heard much from her in the coming months. She came out of the hospital and came to church a few times but often was in a bad state physically. Then I received a call last week. Facing her impending death, she wanted to know how to deal with it. And we explained the gospel to her and after answering some questions, I watched as she changed and from as far as I can see, she put her trust in Jesus.

Sermon from Funeral

This is the written part of the sermon. My disclaimer is that I usually preach something that is different when I preach.

Job 19:23-27
“What You Can Know Today- That Your Redeemer Lives”

When you face a situation like this, a baby, at about 3 and a half months old, the question screams to be answered, “Why?” Why has this happened to me? Why this child? Why now? Why gentle little Samiyah? It makes no sense. The question why mocks us. Why God why did this happen? Why her?

Death is never easy, but when it is a person who has lived a full life and grown old, it makes more sense. When it is someone who was driving drunk, or served as a soldier, then it makes more sense. There is some reasons behind deaths like these.

But when we look at little Samiyah, we can't find a shread. And the question why seems to mock us.

1]: The question Why (23-24)
Job was a man in the Bible who had it all. He had a large family. He had wealth. He had many servants. And he enjoyed good health. But all that fell apart in a short amount of time. His world was turned upside down in a way like some of your worlds have been turned upside down. The book of Job records these events but also the human attempt to answer the question why. Job did not know why it was all happening to him. He knew God was good and loving. He knew that God was sovereign. But did not understand why this had happened. He and his friends looked to answer the question why, and their explanations fell flat. Chapter after chapter they go back and forth.

Here Job says in verses 23-24. When we don't have our why answered we want to to be written forever. We want it written in stone...why! We at least want our question and anguish to stay there. My cry will be heard forever. It will echo in eternity. It will not be silenced if it is written on stone. Many of us want to stay here, with this question. But if we stay here we will never live life again, we will never hope again, we will only be left with the question why that mocks us.

Trans]: Job does not stay there...

2]: The one who knows the Why (25)
He moves on to verse 25. I know that my redeemer lives! I know there is one who is my advocate, the one who sees my anguish. I know there is one, my redeemer. We are not just left with the question why, but can know that there is one who knows. God. The question remains and we don't have a answer but we are called to look to the one who knows all the whys. I know that my redeemer lives. Verse 26. I will have my answer from God. We don't see it, the anguish is there but we can know the one who knows. Verse 27. He yearns to see God, to understand why this has all happened to him.

Trans]: But it may not help, knowing that God knows.

3]: You can know that today your redeemer lives
In fact, when there is so tragic a death like this God can seem so distant and cold for some. It is important to know what God did to rescue us from our tragic existence. Because the one thing that we learn from a death like this is that something horrible is wrong with the world. Any death tells us this but especially a death like this. But God's answer to the world being such a place that it is, is not to stand far away. He comes in Jesus the redeemer, our advocate, to suffer as one of us. He draws near to us. He tastes the injustice and brokenness of this world. He dies on the cross for our sin to repair our relationship with him. The world as it is is messed up. And we are part of that messed up world. We have sinned, and yet if you have turned to him and confessed yes i know I've rebelled and I need the slate wiped clean and need a new start with him, that is what Jesus does for you, when you trust him. Jesus went to the cross so we would not be left in despair or with our whys but would find peace with God. Then you can truly say, “I know that my redeemer lives.” He saves me, and gives me the strength to endure a tragedy like this. And I find that comfort in the Gospel, that he gave himself up for me.

Conclusion]:
If you are in Christ and found peace at the foot of the cross, then this is true for you these verses. At the end of all things Revelation 21:1-5, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He would was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new...'” If you are in Jesus, if he is your redeemer, if you say I know that my redeemer lives...then his promise to you is that one day the tears will be wiped away. Jesus went to the cross so that he would wipe away your tears. He went to the cross to end death or mourning. Don't you long for such a day? The day will come when the old order of things pass away and he makes everything new. He remains Just, he remains good, and if you can say, “I know my redeemer lives” he will wipe away your tears.

A tiny tiny coffin

Its a day after the funeral for the 3 month old baby. The tiny little coffin haunted my dreams last night and my thoughts today. It was so small. Only one person was needed to carry the coffin. It was white maybe a foot and a half by two feet.

It was an open casket. The baby looked like she was sleeping or not real. I couldn't look at her too long, nor did I want too. I thought of what it would be like to loose one of my own. Titus has been sick and I had a real fear last night, and held him extra close, because I now know that death comes for all ages.

The mother was hysterical. There was someone who needed to be carried in, and they placed into the nursery. It was a dreadful scene. The baby's older brother who may have been 2 or 3 was hysterical on his uncle's lap.

There was the contrasting messages in the funeral of hope in the gospel and a vague secular message that time heals all wounds. Either one could have their tears of this experience wiped away by Christ at the end of all things, or just kinda endure.

The grave site was a small shallow grave. The digger put the coffin single handed into the grave. Such a tiny little coffin. There were so many people at the grave, in fact there were many people at the service.

Now I'm left with images. That little coffin burned into my head. My heart breaking for this little one who had only begun to smile.

A Few Reflections on the Death of a Child

I was recently asked to do a funeral for a baby girl who died of SIDS at 3 months. You never look forward to a funeral because death is evil plainly put, but for my third funeral, the death of this little baby? My first was burying my cousin who died of a heroine overdoes. A few months ago, an older lady in our church passed away. There is some reason behind the death of the other two. But a baby dying at 3 months? It seems so senseless. But I do feel called to do this sort of thing as challenging as it is.

You want to know why did God let this happen. And the why question can drive you nuts. Especially because we know that God is a God of power and love and so he was able to save that child's life if he had acted. There seems to be this dissonance, between God and a death like this. Yes you can say we live in a fallen world, a dangerous, chaotic place. But this does not help. You can ask the why question ad nauseam and it won't get any better. The why question only seems to mock you. So where do you go from here. You go back to what you do know.

First, we don't know answers to many why questions. Enough said.

Second, we still affirm that God is good, loving and all powerful. He weeps over a friend, whom he permitted to die, would he also weep over this tiny baby whom he permitted to die? I don't think that because the all powerful God permits horrible things to happen that he enjoys them or thinks yes this was a good thing that this child died. He weeps and yet, still permits it to happen.

Third, God tasted the death of the cross to rid of of death, sin, pain, and tears.

Violence erupts again on 5th St.

October 15, 2009.

We've had several more shootings in our neighborhood. Two happened back to back, very close to home. One about 11:30 after my sister's wedding while I was walking back from parking the car on 6th street and the other the following night on June 20th at about 10:30 while I was in the kitchen. More recently on Monday October 12th, there was a shooting, where people were screaming and there walk a sustained exchange of fire. Someone ran down our street within a minute of it happening. Police came flying to the scene, which I don't think was very close, but close enough. The bellow report is taken from the South Philly review from the night of June 20th.

The June 25th South Philly Police Report had...

__
Wounded in crossfire
Gunshots rang out on the 1700 block of South Fifth Street at about 10:30 p.m. Saturday and two men caught in the crossfire have little to tell police about the incident that sent them to the hospital.
Fourth District police responded to a report of gunshots fired and found an 18-year-old with wounds to his right arm and left leg, Detective Danielle Tolliver of South Detective Division said. Transported to Jefferson, the man was listed in stable condition.
Less than an hour later, a 16-year-old came to Jefferson with a graze wound to his left thigh, Tolliver said.
No motive has come to light and no descriptions were given as neither teen saw anything or thought they were the intended targets.
At the scene, police recovered 16 fired cartridge cases and a bullet projectile inside a parked vehicle. Three parked cars also were damaged by the flying bullets, Tolliver said.
To report information, call South Detectives at #

Shot in the darkness

(originally written in April 2009)
I recently have experienced several events and heard many stories of events on the streets lately. I was struck by hearing gunshots for the first time in my neighborhood two weeks ago at about 1:30. Pop....pop-pop. My wife was in the next room nursing. I was awake enough to hear the shots and then listen for the sirens to confirm that someone had been hit, but not awake enough to actually get up and scope out the situation. I wanted to get up and ask my wife if the gunshots were infront or behind the house. It sounded distant enough that it wasn't much of a problem. My wife did not hear the shots when I asked her the next day.

I've heard gunshots before but this time it was different. This time my little baby boys were just in the next room. Where we have chosen to minister will impact them. They will be exposed to all this violence and madness. I remember when I was teaching 4th grade at Cornerstone Christian Academy how much the kids went through at such young age. One of the boys talked about how he had lost his virginity to his girlfriend and he was only 9 years old. Each one there knew someone who had been shot, and many knew relatives or neighbors who had been killed. Each one knew to duck even when just a car backfired. I remember during class one day someone started shooting outside. We had school in an old building, probably someone's mansion that was now converted into a school. There was a recreation center and a park across the street that took up an entire city block. The park was filled with broken glass and occasionally a strange individual that you would not want to meet in a dark alley. From the other side of the park the shooting began to happen. All the boys hit the floor like it was natural and started yelling for me to hit the floor as well. I ran over to the window being the dumb suburbanite hungry for action that I was. But this was real and a matter of life and death to the kids. They kept yelling, Mr. Stephan, Mr. Stephan, get down! Finally after a few minutes we resumed class. I'm struck by the fact that now my boys have to grow up with that. Its a reality I never knew nor think any child should grow up with. I never knew as a kid that you could loose your life or a person you admired or loved one in an instant because they were mistaken for someone else or involved in something they shouldn't have been. But now its something I deal with on an almost daily basis. My kids will when they are able to understand have to deal with it.

We now live near an area notorious for drugs and gun fighting. Our block seems to be more docile but it always spills over. 5th street in South Philadelphia. We get all sorts of weird reactions from native South Philadelphians when I tell them we've moved near 5th Street. I almost always find myself saying, its getting better, or well, yeah 5th street is bad but our block is a haven in the midst of the madness. All the while I'm thinking in the back of my mind, I hope its not as bad as I keep hearing. But bad or not, its now where I live, where my wife and kids live, and where we believed we've been called to live out the presence of God for now. Sometimes I feel a little embarassed to my South Philly Italian friends, yeah I live near 5th. Now that we live there, people do not comment quite as much, they just get that worried pained look on there face. My African American friends just kinda say, I wouldn't be seen around there.

The first time I heard gunshots close to home was near the first apartment we lived in on 10th and Snyder. I wasn't sure but they sounded different than fireworks. Now I've probably forgotten a few of the times I've heard them. But you never get used to it. I don't think my 4th grade boys ever got used to it. I doubt my boys will ever get used to it, I pray they don't. Each gunshot stands in your mind, alone. Was someone hit? Were two people shooting? Was it a driveby? Did I just hear the last sound that someone heard before they died? Should I run, should I hide, should I call the cops? What should I do? What can you do in the face of such things?

Saved by Grace

April 15, 2009- This is from a dear friend ____ who I've spent a number of years with and met and ate with time and time again. I remember him relating this experience to me. The way he explained it at the time he did not tell me the background story. He just stated that he had almost been shot, and he made it seem like random street violence. In the Wilson projects where he was living at the time I would have believed it and did. They were a rough place.

This is his bio for his facebook page.

This is a mini bio about me !!!

I was born in a split home , my mother a God serving person and my father well he was deep into sin . I have two older brother's and one older sister, yes i am the youngest out of my family .I grew up in a very bad hood in deep south philadelphia . I went to all public school's and i've always attended my mom's church . Altho i attended my mother's church my whole life i wasn't always a christian. I'll say untel about age 14 i was going because i had too. Then one sunday my mother told me she was no longer going to attend church because of growing problems with my father and pastor . So at age 14 she told me it's not her say anymore if i should go or not that it was my life my soul . I went anyway not because i was called but because i wanted to see my friends i've made there still . I was happy with my life untel age 14 - 15 or so 9th grade year . Started high school meet new people and started acting out " to stay kool to stay in " . Thats when i stop going to church for a year atless . My problem's at home got worse with my father so i moved out at age 16 on my own . Age 16 - 18 i lived with friends , family and alone . I've worked many job's but the money wasn't fast enough so i started selling durg's never use them myself but sold them for a good year almost . Now at age 18 still selling drug's i was never locked down for it but i was jump on shot at and the like . One day coming home from somewhere i stop to pray at a local park where i was jump at once . I was praying for a way out of the life i was leading beside's death or jail and i told myself i would live my life for God everyday if he help me this once just that once . So after i got done praying i went on home and as i got to the block i notice all my crew ( my gang ) being arrested all at once the cop's missed me by atless 5 min's because i stoped to pray . So i saw what God had done and told myself this is it my new start my chance to start over . Only someone from my crew notice i didn't get hit and assumed a told on everyone . So they came for me , i'll never forget that moment sitting in my living room watching the afc chap game new england vs coult's . I saw this person looking throw my window and when i look closer he shot at me one round hit the wall where my head was and the other hit the chair i was sitting in , in the chest area . I remember thinking this is crazy while laying on the floor then i repented and return to the lord on all four's . So at age 18 i joined the army and for the pass 3 years i've been travaling and seeing the world . Being deployed brings great light on just how bless we are . Now i spend most of my time helping out at my church with leading youth event's and making house call's to see how poeple are doing . I can say now that my church other christian and youth is what i love now . Even after God has shown me his grace and love i still ask him for one more thing .

Another Saga Goes Wrong

You never expect people you know and love to be on the 5 o'clock afternoon news. But recently someone was involved in something that the news got wrong, the detail were actually worse. The result was that a loved one was shot before her eyes. He died instantly. One shot to the chest. The shooter came over to her and would have shot her too, but for some reason left her alive.

This was a first for me and it is disturbing to the 'nth degree. A murder had instantly taken a life away. I don't want to write much more at this point because I want to respect the family.